life in living room

video of my living room taken on the last day i was going to be alone in my apartment, ie before a new roommate moved in. this is where and how i've spent most of my time at home for the past month. think i will miss these days of living alone...



ps - the song playing through airtunes is the main theme from wong kar-wai's movie "in the mood for love".

not knowing

a zen koan: (from "the book of serenity")

Attention! Jizo asked Hogen, "Joza, where have you come from?"
"I pilgrimage aimlessly," replied Hogen.
What is the matter of your pilgrimage?" asked Jizo.
"I don't know," replied Hogen.
"Not knowing is the most intimate," remarked Jizo.
At that Hogen experienced great enlightenment.

when i have...

when i have a smoke,
life seems a bit more beautiful;
when i have music,
life seems a bit more enjoyable;
and when i have...

new albums

new albums i've heard in recent times: (along with my personal relative ratings)

> cat power - the greatest ***
> radiohead - hail to the thief ***
> rufus wainwright - poses ****
> sun kil moon - tiny cities **
> sufjan stevens - seven swans *****
> zero 7 - simple things ***
> a r rahman - rang de basanti (hindi) *****
> yuvan shankar raja - happy (telugu) **
> death cab for cutie - plans *****
> iron & wine - the sea & the rythym [ep] **
> red house painters - down colorful hill ****
> spoon - kill the moonlight **

favorite song:
> tu bin bataaye - rang de basanti

noodles again

today is the fourth consecutive day i've had noodles (top ramen or maggi) for dinner - but i don't mind that at all - its kind of fun to eat using chopsticks. think its more to do with the fact that i get to use chopsticks than anything else.
ps - went on to eat the same for another four days.

my cig

camel lights are the best. (turkish and domestic blend)

"turkish tobacco is the world's smoothest, most aromatic leaf. blending it with more robust domestic tobacco is the secret to camel's distinctive flavor and world class smoothness."

my zodiac profile

i was jobless enough to give all the 12 individual quizzes (see previous post):

i'm 73% pisces,
i'm 73% virgo,
i'm 67% sagittarius,
i'm 53% libra,
i'm 47% scorpio,
i'm 47% aries,
i'm 40% capricorn,
i'm 40% aquarius,
i'm 40% cancer,
i'm 40% gemini,
i'm 27% taurus,
i'm 20% leo.

[from the same quiz set as below]

so i'm only half a scorpio!

You are 47% Scorpio

How much do you match your zodiac sign?

some dune sayings

think the dune series by frank herbert is one of the greatest science-fiction series ever written. what i like best about them are the famous "dune sayings" - sayings attributed to various characters in the novels. some of the pithy gems are:

- What do you despise? By this are you truly known.

- Deep in the human unconscious is a pervasive need for a logical universe that makes sense. But the real universe is always one step beyond logic.

- Truth suffers from too much analysis.

- Without a goal, a life is nothing. Sometimes the goal becomes a man's entire life, an all-consuming passion. But once that goal is achieved, what then? Oh, poor man, what then?

- Man is but a pebble dropped in a pool. And if man is but a pebble, then all his works can be no more.

- The ultimate question: Why does life exist? The answer: For life's sake.

- Truth is a chameleon.

- Nature commits no errors; right and wrong are human categories.

- Too much knowledge never makes for simple decisions.

- There is no reality -- only our own order imposed on everything.

- Love is the highest achievement to which any human may aspire. It is an emotion that encompasses the full depth of heart, mind, and soul.

- What is each man but a memory for those who follow?

- The mystery of life is not a problem to be solved, but a reality to be experienced.

- The capacity to learn is a gift; The ability to learn is a skill; The willingness to learn is a choice.

- The greatest and most important problems of life cannot be solved. They can only be outgrown.

- Why look for meaning where there is none? Would you follow a path you know leads nowhere?

- How will I be remembered by my children? This is the true measure of a man.

- Though death will cancel it, life in this world is a glorious thing.

random crap

- everyone is busy. most people are busy working towards the goals set in life or something they want in the immediate or not so immediate future. people are motivated to achieve something in life, they have goals and are working towards those goals with more or less passion. everyone is immersed in something or the other most of the time. hmmm...

- i don't seem to be passionate about anything in life, have no set goals, no real direction, haven't yet found out what i would really like to do with my life. but don't mind doing what i am doing right now - things are fine by me, life seems to going along quite smoothly. but...

- believe everything in life is a question of balance - balance leads to harmony and harmony leads to peace. one needs to have a balance in everything - work, rest, play, effort, service, passion, relationships, materialism, spiritualism, ...

- smoking seems to be akin to alone time for me. there's just me, the cig, the breath and the smoke... now people who know will say - surely you are joking, how can you possibly need any more alone time - to them i say that with a cig its different.

- think we all knowingly or unknowingly put on a mask in front of people. its something that comes very naturally to us, we don't even have to think about it - we behave differently in company of different people. so this makes me conclude that our most natural, unmasked, original self comes out when we are alone. that is the face behind the mask. also the "thinner" the mask we put on with someone, the more closer we are with them. our ideal or real friend would be someone with whom the mask is almost not there, ie someone with whom we are comfortable enough to be just ourself...

- you can learn a lot about people - their lives, cultures, habits, likes, dislikes, possible idiocyncracies, etc. - from the movies. movies can also teach you a lot about life itself...

- music can provide you with something to go along for any kind of mood you are in. its like the perfect company - you don't have to put on a mask with it, you can just be yourself. it has something for every state of mind. sometimes even silence can be like music to your ears...

- this is all one needs to get through life: the strength to change the things one can, the courage to face the things one can't and the wisdom to know the difference...

- most people have a certain goal or aim in life. that is akin to having a destination, ie they want to go to a certain place. in other words they are not really happy where they are standing right now, otherwise why would want to move from that place. now when you want to go to a certain place, you try to go in that particular direction. you may get lost, wander around a bit, find obstacles in your path etc. but if you have no specific place to go to, then you are never lost. you are exactly where you want to be at all times, because you are perfectly content being where you are. but then again, you would never come to know the joy that one feels when one does manage to reach the destination. and harder the path one has had enroute the more joy one feels at the end. but how many of us are able to reach that destination in life. there are so many things that are not in our hands, all the things thrown at us in our path influence us a lot. so i guess the ideal thing would be is to have a general idea of our destination, and not have a very specific destination point and also be flexible enough to change the goal as and when circumstances dictate. and always have a broad sense of the direction you are headed...

- ultimately all i've said in the previous paragraph doesn't make any sense to me too. i have no satisfactory answers to life's questions. but i do think that if we stop trying to make sense of life, stop trying to find all the answers we'd be better off in lots of respects. but then again...

hmmm....

came across this paragraph from a blog - is pretty interesting.

"We feel we are doing the world a favour by taking care of our own problems. We pride ourselves in not "burdening" anyone. If we can go through life without putting anyone out, we figure we've done a great deed. But what if that's all wrong? What if the whole idea and purpose of life together on this planet is to care for one another - instead of desperately working towards the absence of reciprocity? What if we were meant to depend on each other? What if we were made to need each other? What if avoiding the need for help is robbing others of their true purpose of being alive? It might explain the massive increase in depression over the last century. Maybe the more individualistic we become, the more we lose deep meaning. We have preached relentlessly about serving others, but seldom talk about being vulnerable enough to accept a helping hand..."

favorite movies (again)

watching "needing you" made me want to list down my most favorite of the favorite chinese/korean movies, now that i've watched so many of them. well actually it seems more like a list of my favorite movie of each of the few leading ladies (name given in brackets) i've come to know in the ones i've seen. guess they are one of the reasons why i am seeing chinese/korean movies. what are the other reasons - i'm not really sure.

chinese:
- the road home (*ing zhang ziyi)
- needing you (*ing sammi cheng)
- in the mood for love (*ing maggie cheung)
- chungking express (*ing faye wong)
- zhou yu's train (*ing gong li)

korean:
- failan (*ing cecilia chung)
- il mare (*ing ji-hyun jun)
- christmas in august (*ing shim eun-ha)
- oldboy (*ing gang hye-jung)
- the garden of heaven (*ing eun-ju lee)

needing you

just finished watching the chinese romantic comedy needing you starring sammi cheung and andy lau. its was really "quite funny, marvelously charming and unabashedly enjoyable" - inspite of having a formula plotline.
sammi cheung is definitely the high point of the movie and she alone is enough to warrant a look at this movie. she is quite adorable and cute as the quirky secretary who joins andy's company.
the scenes where - when she is upset over something and begins to just start cleaning whatever she can lay her hands - are my favorite.

floating in my head

i'm gonna make you lonesome when i die ...

something to post

sitting in my lab
having eaten a veggie wrap
and browsed through random blogs
and having
stared at my blog page
for some seconds;
i suddenly
get this idea
to write this poem
on how i feel like posting
something on my blog -
to express myself,
let myself be known
and understood
by people out there
but then again
i think
how does it matter.

yesterday

yesterday was the first day in lab after some two weeks. managed to reach there by 10:15, but found that it was a staff holiday (martin luther king's birthday or something) and the whole univ was deserted. tried to do some online search for sometime and got tired of it. went to grab a bite but there wasn't anything decent. just had some mediterranean soup (it was too watery) and then decided to go back home. came home around 1, had the same ramen noodles, saw parts of telugu movie indra on google videos and then with nothing else to do - went to sleep. think i got up around 6, had tea, a smoke, and generally passed time.
night watched "two and a half men" and "out of practice" and then made aloo parathas. i had the dough kneaded from yesterday and only today found out i used whole wheat flour, its not the same as the flour in india used to make rotis. no wonder it looked brown. anyways hoping it wouldn't give me any stomach trouble i proceeded to make the parathas. they came out pretty decent. only i didn't have any curd to go with it, both the curd jars had fungus in them by now. that sucked since i really like aloo paratha with curd. anyways then stayed up till think 12:30 listening to some old hindi songs and then went to sleep.
hope i get some work done today, research seems like such a drag nowadays. for some reason or the other work has always been a problematic issue for me. hope one day i figure out what i really want to do.

2006 horoscope

for scorpio - from mystic stars:

For many Scorpio 2006 will bring an intensely private or almost spiritually renewed faith in relationships through the experience of trust, shared responsibilities and daily acceptance. Over the past 3 to 4 years many Scorpios may have felt detached in relationships or unwilling to reveal their true feelings. All of this changes early this year. After January 26th a 7 week period of deep relaxation and personal healing arrives. Many Scorpios will leave behind the disappointments or romantic scars of the past. Much of this is private; there is no real need to explain these feelings to others or attempt to describe your inner journey to loved ones. Astrologically, the emotional and romantic theme is 'welcome home'. To those that love you, comfort and acceptance won't need to be publicly acknowledged. After mid-to-late March many Scorpios will also experience an active stage of flirtation and open romantic communications. Enjoy this stage and let others know that you would very much like to expand your social and family life. Unattached Scorpios will at this time likely begin extremely powerful and passionate relationships. If so, expect new relationships to be unique, unexpected and very quickly established. Late in July watch also for outside family announcements or home pressures to have an influence in your love life. Many Scorpios may experience a short period of miscommunications or disagreements with in-laws, family members or close friends. Not much you can do here: set firm boundaries and protect your interests. A remarkable year; emotionally, you have arrived: don't look back.

random jotts

with my quals over last thursday, life is kind of back to normal. i cleaned the house, arranged stuff and put out all the trash which had been collecting for quite some time. still no roomie, and now with nothing much to do - feel more alone at home than before. so mostly passed time watching movies - went to catch a telugu movie at the univ - had some homemade mirchi bajjies there. the movie sucked but having camel light smoke in the interval was really nice, especially with it raining outside.

also saw - star trek the search for spock, a korean movie - bad guy, and a vietnamese movie - the vertical ray of the sun. the star trek movie was crap but the other two were nice. the korean movie was kind of strange and i couldn't really understand the characters and why they did the things they did. its about a small time gangster who sees a pretty young privileged girl sitting in a park one day, and instantly takes a liking for her; and when she turns him down, he arranges to put her into prostitution and watches her with the clients from behind a two-way mirror. and strangely at the end the girl chooses to stay with him inspite of all he did to her. the other movie was set in hanoi and very beautifully shot. its the tale of three sisters, two of them married - about their everyday life, their affairs (including extra-marital ones) etc. the best part of the movie was its soundtrack - the youngest sister and her brother get upto some very nice music in the morning - velvet underground's "pale blue eyes" and lou reed's (who is the lead singer of velvet underground) "coney island love" - both are among my all time personal favorites. i had forgotten about the first song till this movie reminded me of it.

well today i made wheat atta chappatis, they didn't come out like at home - don't know if its the wheat we get here or maybe i still don't know how to make it properly. anyways it was a change from eating noodles. but i kind of enjoy eating noodles, mainly because i get a chance to use chopsticks. today i put some scrambled egg in the shrimp ramen noodles and it tasted better then just plain noodles. and also think hagen-daaz's vanilla swiss almond is one of my favorite flavors of ice cream.

i don't know what i would do, or rather how i would live if i didn't have my apple powerbook, itunes and especially apple's airport express, all of which allow me to play songs wirelessly from my powerbook through my music system. the songs are the only company i have nowadays, and i keep listening to something or the other all the time through airtunes. thats the reason why i park in the living room all day and go the bedroom only when i have to sleep.

well tomorrow's monday and its back to research and the usual crap. luckily i am not taking any more stupid courses this semester. the lab will be empty for one more week, which is when my other two labmates who have gone to china now will come back. plus i am going home to india in feb, so its just a matter of less than four weeks. looking forward to this trip and sometimes i wish i didn't have to come back from there...

zodiac match test

from the zodiac match test at tickle.

Rxxxxxxxx, the best Zodiac Match for your personality is Virgo.

Virgo, the Virgin (August 23 to September 23):
This intelligent and diligent partner is just your type. Initially, a Virgo may catch your eye with their put-together look and attention to the details of your courtship. But as you get to know them better, you're even more likely to be drawn to your Virgo's strong convictions and practical nature. People born under this sign are typically very good with money and tend to be conservative overall when it comes to risk. In fact, most Virgos have a discerning nature that can make them seem a bit critical at times. However, they're also almost always open to discussing the emotional side of any matter in a relationship. In the bedroom, you'll likely find the Virgin both reserved and cautious, especially when your relationship first becomes sexual. Overall, Virgos are typically highly loyal partners and firm believers in marriage.

recent stuff

- had the second part of my DQE today
- first part was on monday
- been studying for it since jan 1st
- also managed to see some 9-10 movies
- used to go for combined study from 2-6 types
- been living alone since 26th of dec
- park mostly in the living room now
- listened to songs all the time using airtunes
- smoked about 3-4 cigs a day
- ate noodles most of the time
- drank lots of coke and also a 6-pack of mike's hard lime
- started using chop-sticks for noodles
- also been doing k once & s twice daily
- cleaned the kitchen and bathroom today
- had a potluck dinner in the night today
- then went to a lake late-night for a few smokes
-

fav band

finally i can say i have a favorite band: death cab for cutie, at least currently.

posting the lyrics of the song that introduced me to DCFC, from the soundtrack of the 2005 movie shopgirl - "the sound of settlling" - from what most consider to be their best album - transatlanticism:

i've got a hunger
twisting my stomach into knots
that my tongue was tied off
my brain's repeating
"if you've got an impulse let it out"
but they never make it past my mouth.

baa bah, this is the sound of settling
baa bah, baa bah ...

our youth is fleeting
old age is just around the bend
and i can't wait to go grey
and i'll sit and wonder
of every love that could've been
if i'd only thought of something charming to say.

baa bah, this is the sound of settling
baa bah, baa bah ...

i've got a hunger twisting my stomach into knots.

Yeh karam tanhaiyon ka

Think this has to be my all time favorite ghazal, esp. its rendition by Ghulam Ali:

Yeh karam tanhaiyon ka silsila reh jaayega,
Tere mere darmiyan bas ik khalaa reh jaayega.

Aks beh jaayenge saare dhoop ke sailab mein,
Aur koi paaniyon mein jhaankta reh jaayega.

Mujhko mere humsafar aisa safar darpesh hai,
Raasta kat bhi gaya to faasla reh jaayega.

Log so jayenge khamoshi ki chaadar oadhkar,
Chand soone aangalon mein jaagta reh jaayega.

Jo kabhi usne padhi thi mujhse "nassir" maang kar,
Naam mera un kitabon mein likha reh jaayega.

QT's desktop currently

itunes - can't seem to live without it

the 17 genres in my iTunes library:

01) background score
02) devotional
03) english album
04) english album mixed
05) english assorted
06) ghazal and qawwali
07) hindi movie new
08) hindi movie old
09) hindi movie recent
10) indipop
11) indian classical
12) jazz & blues assorted
13) new age & world
14) tamil movie
15) telugu movie new
16) telugu movie old
17) western classical

wintery whiteness

2006: beginning of the end!

lets see what this year brings.
its my personal year 9: the end of a cycle - the year of completions and endings...